


The World Is Gray Without You

by Tomhollandsfandom



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Soulmates, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Soulmates, Tags May Change
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-13
Packaged: 2021-03-18 10:53:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28616883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tomhollandsfandom/pseuds/Tomhollandsfandom
Summary: Everyone has a soulmate, some have multiple, not all are romantic but platonic, no matter everyone has one. Until two soulmates meet, they can not see the color of the eyes of their soulmate. Sam hates not being able to see blue, Castiel fears the fact they can not see multiple colors. Castiel has no explanation for why so many colors fall gray, just this has been their world since the beginning of time. Perhaps their dilemmas will change when a certain pair of blue eyes and a certain pair of hazel eyes land on one another.
Relationships: Castiel/Sam Winchester
Comments: 19
Kudos: 27





	1. Sam's Blues

**Author's Note:**

> The chapters will switch off from Sam's and Castiel's perspectives. This chapter starts with Sam, the next will follow with Castiel, and so on. This idea has been sitting in my notes for nearly two years, time to let it out of my notes.

"Not a word." I spat at Dean who was laughing his ass off at me. He didn't bother to tell me that it was going to rain today and that the sky is truly gray for once. So while I went out for my morning run I came back soaked from the rain. It wasn't the first time Dean's taken advantage of me not being able to see the color blue. I could never get back at him since he's never told me what color he can't see, which is smart on his part. 

"Lighten up Sammy, at least I didn't put dye in your soap again." He said smiling contently at the memory. I had just thought he wanted to make me look old when he did that. I thought it was gray dye but I was later informed that it was a bright blue. 

"I still don't get why you did that," I muttered changing my clothes, I hated how wet clothes felt on you, the way they just uncomfortably cling onto you. 

"It made you look like a clown, besides I never lost track of the crazy blue-haired skyscraper," Dean said opening a new beer. I shook my head and hung my clothes up to dry. Once I meet my soulmate I'm going to punch them for having such an annoying inconvenient eye color. 

I suppose they'd punch back since my eyes are a mix of colors that even Dean has given up trying to figure out. I've settled on just calling them hazel. 

I sat on my bed and tried to imagine what our room looks like. Dean let me know that our room is indeed blue but I figured that since I was sure no one was a fan of that much gray. I gave up after a few minutes, it's pointless and frustrating. 

"Do you think we'll ever actually meet our soulmates?" I asked Dean as he surfed through the hotel's channels, probably looking for that ridiculous doctor show. 

"Maybe, I wouldn't count on it though. Not with our luck." Dean said putting down the remote when he found his desired show. I had guessed correctly, I decided to take a nap rather than to watch his drama show.


	2. Castiel's Gray View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel is the only angel with gray as the main color they see, angels tend to disturb their thoughts to inform them of why theories upon theories. Castiel has an idea why but cannot fathom truly thinking about it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Little clarification, this is before Dean has gone to Hell, therefore, Castiel has no vessel and no reason to touch down to Earth yet. They are simply trying to enjoy His creation.

I knew exactly whose wings had flown and landed next to mine, thirteen concerned eyes staring at me. I assume they meant to stay stoic but even if they were Rachel's grace gave it away. "Castiel, why are you so glum?" 

I faced Rachel, and the closest thing to the sadness we are allowed, I showed my mournfulness. "The world is so gray to me." I looked out in the garden we stood in, I know there is beauty here, I find it calming. However, there is no denying I do not see it to the fullest potential, I see gray. The majority of it is. "I will never see Father's creation the way He created it." 

Rachel's fifth wing rumbled in error, nervous, nearly a tremble, I had only seen it in battle once. "Have you considered that you may have a soulmate?" A soulmate? Why would He want me to have a soulmate when no other angel does? 

"Rachel, we're Angels of the Lord, we do not have soulmates." It is that simple. I can not see color, it must be something He wants, I do not know why but it does not matter anyhow. Even if I do know why it is not important to the plan. 

Thinking the conversation had been dropped I faced her to see her wing rumbling again, "If anyone were to have one, it would be you." 

"Another way I am different from you." It meant to be a question, my mind must be distracted. Rachel knows it is a question, not a statement. 

Rachel must have seen my discomfort or what they think my discomfort looks like. "We are all made the way He intended." 

"Are we?" My mind has to be distracted, it is one thing to question inside one's own mind, but out loud is barbaric and should be punished for it. I suppose that is why Uriel showed up, their tail hitting my main wings. 

"Careful, Castiel." I nearly swatted away the ugly tail, their form is not truly ugly; however, Uriel is very unpleasant. The boldness that I often mistake as pride, difficult not to, is off-putting, the critical hypocrite is terrible enough. Their views on humans are why Uriel fails to be in any command. 

I pushed Uriel back with my wings as a dismissal. "Uriel, if you warn me about blasphemy, you are the one who should worry." 

A silent scoff could be heard, "Why because of those mud monkeys?" The number of times I have warned Uriel of such language with Humanity is disheartening. 

"They are God's most beautiful creation, we are here to serve them." Uriel perched up to spin their four heads at me as if to ask for a fight, when will they learn? Uriel has a terrible bite but can be swept quickly from their cockiness, stable legs mean nothing when you use most of them to stand taller. 

The intimidation could work on the younger seraphs, not on us, "How would you know about their beauty when all you see is in dull gray." I pushed Uriel back onto their feet with a wing, "God makes no mistakes, God knows you could never handle His creation without a handicap of some sort. Or perhaps He knew you do not deserve to see it to the fullest, a punishment for never following the rules." I shook my heads, I am more obedient than most here. Uriel is not clean of rule-breaking, Uriel went after rules that made our brother fall, the one who brought evil to God's creations. 

"If that is true, you would never see a spark of color." Uriel's wings vibrations shouted for me to flee, I stepped forward, Uriel needs to learn, "Careful about how you talk to your superior." A tail hit them directly in the eye, as a distraction to hold their grace, just as a reminder not to act foolish, "I may not be able to see every color He has laid out, but that does not hide the beauty you fail to see. You see exactly what He had wanted everyone to see and like Lucifer you still can not see it." 

Their grace screamed in panic at being held, Uriel has had many chances to change, they never will it seems, "You dare refer to me as Lucifer as if I am equivalent to him in any capacity." 

"I do dare brother. Must I remind you how Lucifer had fallen?" We peered down below knowing where Lucifer had fallen, deep in Hell, where cold has a new meaning. Even an angel can feel the chill, "You are wandering the same path." I let go of Uriel, Uriel took this as an invitation to continue. 

"If so I must remind you, there is more than one way for an angel to fall." Fear is what Uriel had expected but my grace frenzied in anger instead, why must Uriel think I am the one to fall when I do everything I am told. Without leaving a human damaged, unlike them? I can not fall to disobedience without Uriel falling first. 

"If Humanity is what I fall for," a glimpse of a human, tall for humans, scarred in the soul and body, calling my name in the rain, Sam Winchester, a hint of grace flew out towards him, "then I have served Heaven and the mission He had set out. If you fall for failing Humanity, you have failed our mission to be a disgrace. I will take your words of advice and tread lightly, I suggest you fly." Uriel shook their heads seeing what had happened, the grace is already restored, but Uriel knew who it had been for. 

"That will not be a problem." Smug as always and flew off, it is a miracle how expressive Uriel is allowed to be but a mere smile from me is dragged down. Sharp pain in my grace shouted to think of anything else, I knew better than to think of that. 

Rachel came back to my side staring at me for an answer, "Do you truly think Uriel could fall?" 

"Lucifer was God's favorite if Lucifer could fall, any of us can. Uriel should learn from Lucifer's mistakes, I think instead Uriel would rather follow them." Uriel can hear us, I do not care. I hear their thoughts of me and mine are not as harsh willed as theirs. 

Rachel looked away from my form and onto humanity, "And do you fear you will fall from caring?" I know I will fall one day, I have always known, it is woven deeply into my grace; however, it is not for care. I fear it is a lack of so. 

"No. God is not that cruel." A lie that Rachel will ignore, "Perhaps you were right, God does not make mistakes." Another lie but both of us already preparing our wings for different matters. 

Rachel sighed before sending off a thought to only me, "I sure hope I am right." I held onto the wavelength of thought to send one more message before taking off to my own destination. 

"Leave hope to Humanity, and we will follow His commands. That is how we stay to serve and avoid falling." Despite my own heeding, I knew I had as much hope in my words as Rachel had in theirs, it will be both our downfalls, I can see it now.


	3. Color Me Defeated

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sam doing his best to figure out what color Dean can't see. His best is not the best if we're honest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is a bit of a filler chapter and an excuse to write the two bantering.

Sam held up a wooden pen he had found a motel ago and shoved it in front of Dean's face as the last attempt. "What color is this?" 

"Brown." Sam dropped the pen in defeat, why does Dean get to see every color? How is that fair? 

"Of fucking course. " 

Dean rolled his eyes, "Dude, I can see every color." 

"Uh-huh." 'Kind of the reason I hate you right now,' Sam thought bitterly to himself. 

Dean would normally let Sam pout for a bit longer but they had to finish this case and if his suspicions were correct they were running out of time, "We have to focus, so either someone has a heart fetish or we're dealing with a werewolf." 

Sam's face scrunched up at the thought of a heart fetish, "What even is a heart fetish?" Dean tried but could not ignore the fact that Sam had ignored his theory for the possibility of a heart fetish. 

"What none of your serial killer faves had one?" Might as well tease him about it. 

Sam rolled his eyes, "I regret telling you." 

"Come on Sammy, now tell me how can you like serial killers but hate clowns?" Sam considered flipping him off but instead feigned a sweet smile. 

"I don't know, hey Dean maybe our next case should be at an airport, that would be fun, wouldn't it?" Dean's smile dropped, Sam's smile became genuine at that. 

"Shut up." 

It was silent for a minute before Sam asked, "Whose turn to get dinner?" Dean was reading a note the cops made and absentmindedly answered, 

"The person who brought it up. No salads for me." As if Sam had to be told after the incident. Being drenched in holy water and shouted at in Latin was not something Sam wanted to happen again. Dean didn't even get the exorcism correct he was closer to ordering a pizza but oddly enough Sam felt like that was on purpose. 

"I know. The last time I tried you acted like I was possessed and trying to poison you." 

"I'm not still sure you weren't." Dean looked up to see Sam looking up at the sky, Dean sighed. 

"It's blue!" Sam didn't look convinced, "I'm not pulling the same work on you again. Go!" Sam shot Dean a look that told him that was bullshit. He still went out the door, prepared to run if he felt rain. He'll figure out what color Dean can't see so he can get him back. If not, he can just mess with Dean's settings in Baby. Either one will do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All comments/criticism/feedback is welcomed! If there are any mistakes please let me know so I can correct them. Have a great day!


	4. Color Me Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel let their guard down long enough for an unjust punishment to take them by surprise.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for this chapter, it is necessary but harsh on Castiel.

I have been told often by superiors, a very few mind you, who I respect and who respect me to keep my thoughts quiet to avoid punishment. "Hello, Castiel." Had they known now that I had forgotten their warnings out of foolishness arguably arrogance, they would have never given me a second look.

The change of scenery from a remarkable garden, one that humanity had cherished and proudly remembered as their best memory, for good reasons even I could see, to this. "What am I doing here?"

The place is recognizable, not in the sense that my eyes recall the space but my grace coils in fear of it. It is a simple blank room, not intimidating at all except for the fact that I can feel the way my grace feels diminished, prickled, poked at, as if shards of blades were woven in, pulled tightly into my grace to weaken, and my wings immobilized. Could be fear or that sigil that burned into the core of my grace, lighting my wings on an invisible flame. 

I did my best to avoid showing my panic but the grace around the room felt uncomfortably familiar in a very off-putting manner. Suffocation is the best way to put it. The voice that echoed strongly in the room did not help, "Interesting." That is all that they said before materializing into their true form. Immediately I knew why, this is someone no angel wants to recognize if you are being called upon.

"Perhaps a few friends can help us out with why you are here, Castiel, Uriel, do you fear your superior is close to falling?" Rage flew into my grace and due to my anger, I felt an immediate punishment in my wings. Cracks throughout them were made filled with grace that I tried to eject as it was not compatible with my own but stayed forced to make me listen.

Uriel strode confidently on their heels, standing tall knowing that they could tower over me and I am powerless to move. "Yes, I do." The disrespect would not be allowed had we been in any space of Heaven besides this one. This is the room of the punishment. Uriel can do as they please, their name had not been called upon this time, to my misfortune, I had been.

"Rachel?" My thoughts did not skip a beat at seeing their timid regretful form in front of me, contrasting Uriel's stance. "Do you?" I knew the answer, I could feel it in their grace, they are probably going to be called upon next if they do not learn to censor these feelings.

They must have heard my thoughts and stood firm, "I do." Naomi, the wicked punisher heard all that they needed, Uriel alone would have been enough to correct my behavior, Rachel is to sweeten the burn into my grace. 

"You two are dismissed." Naomi knew how to command this room in ways I am sure Lucifer would be jealous of. "Do not fret Castiel, I am here to help you." If I had any control in my grace besides my thoughts I would be disobedient for the sake of making Naomi angry. "You will not fall you will be stronger than before." They reassured a reassurance I did not believe for a second long.

They had let my jaw open to speaking but not a muscle more than what would be required, "Naomi, I will not fall, I am a good soldier, you do not have to wipe my memory-" Just as quick as I had been summoned is as quick as I had been silenced.

"Castiel, if you remember me, you must remember why I have to do this." Everyone knew of them, this is where you end up if you are broken and need to be fixed before you fall. Once you fall you can not be repaired. Heat rose from the tips of my wings down to my core blinding me in the process had I been able to scream, the destruction is enough to shatter the base of a planet.

* * *

"Castiel." Summoned upon the archangel, Michael, I waited for their signal to speak, allowing them to grade my character.

When their wings lifted from the ground I spoke their name, "Michael." They dipped their wings down to quiet me which I did.

"You must train your garrison for a mission to Hell." I had received very few missions of late, would my garrison be fit for one that is expected to travel into the depths of Hell?

I waited for the wings to rise in patience, Michael's subtle grading did not go unnoticed by me, when they lifted I begged the question, "When will this mission occur?"

Michael waved off the concern knowing already what I am asking, "Your garrison will have more than plenty of time," I never should have doubted Heaven's wishes, "when it is time I will call upon you again. You are dismissed." I allowed Michael to send me back to my stationary post. I called upon my garrison, mercy is something the humans may get from Him, my garrison does not deserve the same sentiment. This trip is more important than any of us, no angel has had to travel to Hell in eons if Michael has called upon us to go, Mercy can not be a weakness. By the time we leave to our mission, it will be ingrained that we are expendable soldiers. It is Heaven's orders and we shall never question Him. They will learn if they must be called upon they will.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Any comments, criticism, or feedback are welcomed! If I made any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them! I wish you a wonderful day!

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed it so far! Any comments, criticism, or feedback are welcomed! If I made any mistakes please let me know so I can fix them! I hope you have a wonderful week!


End file.
